What a Toddler Really Hears When You Talk

There's no manual handed to you when you are discharged from the hospital. You, your spouse, and brand new baby are just wheeled out to your car with your cart full of gifts, overnight bags, and (hopefully) free goodies from your hospital room without any type of tangible reference guide telling you what to do if your baby won't stop crying at 3am. Thank goodness for Google!

But there is one thing that not even Google can help parents out with and that is determining what is going on in your toddler's head. I tell my two year old one thing and he does the exact opposite. It can be incredibly frustrating. Just recently, however, I came across the holy grail of translation books: Parent-Toddler Translation for Exasperated Parents. Here, for your reading pleasure is an excerpt of said book.

What you said: "No."
What your toddler heard: "I didn't hear that. Say it again, only louder."

Where to Take Young Kiddos for Halloween Fun

The leaves on the trees are starting to change colors, parents everywhere are high fiving each other as they drop their children off at school, and your mailboxes (both physical and virtual) are being filled with advertisements for Halloween costumes. It is safe to say that Halloween is going to be here before you know it.

Halloween can be a very scary time for some young children. When my daughter was younger, she thought the pale zombie girl on the swing, who sings in the most terrifying voice, was the most interesting thing she had every seen. "Mommy, will you go with me to see the girl on the swing" she'd ask and I'd reply with "nope, I'm good." Flash forward to the present and she is very concerned about seeing the scary "girl on the swing" who appears in our neighbor's front lawn, which closely resembles the Halloween decoration section at the local costume shop, every year. My, how two years can change one's perspective.

Taking pictures with sister can be so scary

So, that means haunted mazes and hay rides are out of the question, but that doesn't mean that we can't enjoy the Halloween season fun though. There is plenty in Orange County to do with little kids to celebrate the Halloween season (and get another wear out of that $50 costume).

Disneyland (and Mickey's Halloween Party)
Address: 1313 Disneyland Drive, Anaheim
Hours: varies per day, check website
Admission $99 for adults, $93 for children 3-9 years old, under 3 years old is free
(Mickey's Halloween Party tickets are $69 and up depending on the day)

Peek-a-boo with Minnie the Witch

Jump 'n Jammin

Address: Kaleidoscope Mall, 27741 Crown Valley Pkwy, Mission Viejo
Hours: Sunday-Thursday 10am-6pm, Friday & Saturday 10am-8pm
Ages: Crawling to teens
Admission: $12.95 for one child + one adult + one sibling under 2 years old, $5.49 for one toddler under 2 years old, $3 for an extra adult

There are so many reasons why I love this place. I have brought the kids here over a dozen times and each time, the play areas and bathrooms are clean. I often see employees in the play structures with a rag and what I can only assume to be some sort of disinfecting cleaner. It could just be water in that spray bottle. I'll give them the benefit of doubt. Also, there's something for every type of kid. My nephew was a little wary of the faster slides but loved the slide by the ball area since it was a lot slower. (It's so slow that you have to scooch yourself down near the end of the slide.) But if you've got an ambitious one, send him over to the rock climbing wall. It's more of horizontal rock climbing wall so you don't really have to worry about the kids going too high.

For younger kids, they put the "wristband" on the child's back

By far, though, the number one reason why I bring the kiddos here is that they cannot escape exit without you. With multiple kids, it can get a little difficult to keep an eye on all of them. With Jump 'n Jammin's system, you can rest assured that your child won't be walking down Crown Valley Parkway by himself. When you enter, you all are given a wristband with a matching number. The number corresponds with a bin that they provide for all of your shoes and belongings. The bin is kept safely tucked away until you are ready to exit. Once you decided that it is time to go (aka you've hit your limit), an employee, who is waiting at the exit gate, checks your wristbands and gives you your bin with your crap.

Jump 'n Jammin has it all.

Slides, obstacle courses, and more

What I Want My Friends Without Kids to Know

Before I started dating my husband, I spent every single weekend with my best friend. The minute 5 o'clock hit on Friday, I was on the road to Huntington Beach to pick up my bestie to get our weekend of partying started. We spent our nights in the local dive bar singing Journey songs at the top of our lungs with our vodka tonics in hand. She was my partner in crime.

She is the tall bff that every short girl needs, she's my Meredith to my Christina, she's my lady. Fast forward to the present, I have two kids and she has one furbaby. Life after children has placed our friendship not even on the back burner-it's in the back of the pantry. I am lucky if I get a 20 minute phone call conversation with her nowadays.

While we don't see each other nearly as often as we used to, she's still my lady. And here's six things I want her and every other friend without kids to know.

1. I REALLY am trying to listen to you 

I don't mean to be pre-occupied and distracted by my kiddos. I would love to relax on the couch and have an unlimited amount of time to dedicate to our conversation. Trust me, I really would. Unfortunately, that is just not the reality of my life right now. The majority of our phone calls take place when you're on your way home which is also the dreaded witching hour when I'm trying to get dinner on the table, soothe a cranky toddler, and battle with a fiesty four year old who thinks she's the boss. With everything that is going on, I don't mean to interrupt you or miss that last five minute chunk of your story. I do really want to hear about your last trip to San Francisco or your busy work week.

6 Questions Parents Never Stop Asking Themselves

It doesn't matter how many kids you have. It doesn't matter how old they are. You will always be asking these six questions.

1. What is that smell?
In the beginning, the smell may be coming from the hidden neck crease that is filled with day old breastmilk or from the week old squished strawberry that was left under the couch by your toddler.Years later when you ask that question, it may be due to the sweaty duffle bag containing your teenager's unwashed P.E. clothes even though school ended a week ago or maybe it's the mystery take out box that was left in your fridge by your forgetful daughter after her last date.

Fun at Pretend City in Irvine

Address: 29 Hubble, Irvine
Hours: 10am-5pm (closes at 1pm on Mondays)
Ages: Infants to 8 years old (I recommend walking to 6 years old)
Admission price: $12.50/per person (adults must pay admission, under 12 months are free)

Pretend City is one of my favorite places to take the kids. There's so much for the kids to do that we rarely get to everything in one visit. The toys and facility looks sparkly clean even though the place is crawling with grubby hands. But the best part is that there are volunteers everywhere returning the toys to their proper homes.

There are so many exhibits to explore and keep the kids busy.

Amphitheater

What kid doesn't want to be the center of attention on stage? There are usually costumes, props, and/or musical instruments available so that the kids can really get into it. My kids' favorite part is the sound and lighting panel. It's the perfect example of cause and effect. Push a button and something cool happens.

Parenting is...

...counting down until wine o' clock and bedtime

I love spending time with the kids. We have fun making random crafts out of whatever I have laying around the house, riding bikes while ringing all of the neighbors' doorbells to see who can come out to play, and playing with the 5.892 millions toys in the living room all at once; but by the afternoon, I'm done and cannot wait until I can relax with a glass of wine and watch a mindless tv show that is not on the Disney Junior channel.

...repeating yourself

Sometimes, or all of the time rather, I think it would be easier to just talk to the wall. "Hello? Hello? Is this thing on <tap, tap>?"

...wiping butts and faces (not in that order)

My daughter is potty trained but she cannot be trusted to wipe her booty just yet so I'm still on the hook for two clean booties not including my own. And there's the other end too. How can so much food end up around the mouth and so little food end up in the mouth?